7200
A written account (incorporates
self directed hyperbole - for paw
whet tick lice ants) of this veritable
stranger, who now appears before
your screen like the doppleganger
ova childhood nemesis, re: a basket
case deplorable egghead, friggin
gnome hatter. Soon after reading
this message, the neighbors might
discern a blood curdling series
of (hyena-like) shrieking screams!
No worry! That would just be the
mating call of hairy Harris mama bear.
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Ready! Set! Click! - (cue in the
sound of muse sic cull broken glass -
ohm my dog, amp pulley watch your step).
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Similar to thyself, A scary reflection
greets me whenever I cease med
dull ling, procrastinating, and stalling
for time, summoning enough steely
courageous mettle to take a sneak
peek into the mirror. Just moments
buff hoar spider lines start appear
across shiny surface followed by sub
sequent cracks and fissures, (which
speedily dissolve glassy surface), deux
hazel colored, myopic bespectacled
eyes absorb a most frightful countenance,
taj mahal size savage visage.
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Nope that haint a wig ya iz gawp ping
at, boot that thar near legendary trademark
feature genuine my longish, wavy brown
straggly hair, which seems to fill the entire
view obscuring additional physiognomy
constituting this primate.
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Hidden among avant garde rhapsodic
bohemian rap sod , Cro-Magnon,
Neolithic, non-every-man style of un-
styled locks (interspersed with silver
follicles indicative of acquired worry
per fighting off that garden variety, pre
historic pre hen isle dwelling, creature -
bigot android) can be discerned vague
contours faintly de scry bing this brutish,
nasty and short proto-human sports a high
ghoulish forehead, which allows, enables
and provides plenti skin surface to bang
against any hard material when frustrated.
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My somewhat outsize ears and longish
neck (I swear exist, which contrary to pop
hue lore myth never seen by livingsocial nay
sayer persons outlook king for such flap
doodle dumbo ballooned amenity) support
egg shaped (fried or scrambled some might argue) head.
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A mostly flat and hairless chest attests to
regular regimen of light
(self-concocted) chest-pounding routine.
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Exercise such as running for shelter, when
chased by Goliath sized troubadour (as well
as meditation), comprise a vital part of my daily
program deal with ordinary stresses of primitive existence.
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Raw coffee beans happens to be the sole vice,
which exotic brews provide helpful jump ping
jack in the bean stalk start.
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Yea, asper solo entertainment, aye stuff one
(at a time) up me smash face button nose for
good measure, inhale deeply crimp other nostril,
and lob nasal missile with utmost pressure
found days, weeks, months amidst cobwebs...
as a quite putrid treasure.
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I sometimes even chump on the cup to maintain gum shun.
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Now to that locale known as thine rump puss stilt skin.
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Although the unseen forces of biology and
genetics dealt me an itsy bitsy, tiny tushy
(which serves as the but for fellow Apes to
taunt and tease) such anatomical feature
also dub bulls up as cheeky true value as
worthiness evoking sexual prowess.
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Thee bun a fide chic lit taut gluteus Maximus
offers at least one benefit palm pilot size posterior
derriere advantaged to easily to squeeze into cleft
tight spaces without getting stuck, and when
necessary apply a deft maneuver to extricate ma bell
buttocks as if super simian infused me with heft.
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This tiny tushy accompanied by vestigial and
teeny-weensy Weiner schnitzel of a phallus,
which undersized cock a doodle do bulges
into an erectile state within shooting distance
of that coveted warm, wet and wooly private world
property of each and every woman.
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A pair of skinny (pink flamingo like) legs
(covered in a adequate hair) now
completes this general character sketch.
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Does this suffice?
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After attempting to envision some vague
essential apparition or near facsimile
what barely passes muster as a Caucasian
male, I wonder if you happen to be less or
more favorably disposed toward some healthy
interaction of body, mind and spirit.
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If not yourself, I wonder if you know
if any local cave woman? Maybe great ape as
yourself to make grunting noises with me?
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Now if you would politely excuse me, I MUST
scavenge for some berries and twig fir a
makeshift prosthetic shutterfly to affix
upon me genitalia (to pretend ma cock a
doodle doo more endowed than really exists),
collect exotic tree bark (especially hemlock
when host an ever so enjoyable soirée), any grubs
(that might warrant being scrubbed), or
unsuspecting stray small wild game so me
gremlins will not be a cannibal for eat me.
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ja kin also Contact me via banging any jagged rolling rocks
that signal together asap! okay?
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peace be unto you
hmm...ah would luv to suck yar tits and here go moo moo
from matthew scott harris bids thee tootle as he first skips
than sprints to the loo.
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