Until Then

Lord I know I'm not asking for the impossible. 
My heart longs for a man who is touched by your hands. 
A man who will love me through you. 
See the boy I given my heart to, misuse my love given by you. 
But he don't love himself, 
I should have known he couldn't love me as well. 
I thought if I submitted myself, he would see I care. 
I love him despite his flaws. 
But all he did was steal all the love from my heart. 
So many signs I neglected because I saw pass all his foolish ways. Maybe if I nurture him, that great man will come to life someday. 
Praying and crying, "Lord why? 
How can I love this man who treat me so bad?" 
Robbing me of my happiness because he's miserable inside. 
Taking, taking, taking. 
Wondering when will he give? 
I didn't know what to expect from a man. 
All I saw was abused, misuse done by their hands. 
Then came along this boy who had my heart in a spin for five years. Hoping one day, he will see I'm not his enemy. 
But it's not me that he's fighting against. 
It's the devil who he allow to play with his head. 
Always making excuses for his actions. 
Blaming myself for his choices. 
Destroying my confidence. 
Presenting my mind, my heart, and my body all on a silver platter. 
This is my husband to be so I trust him with all of me. 
Silly of me, I didn't know any better. 
Ignorant to the fact, a man suppose to love, cherish and nourish. 
The bible showed me that. 
The more I become of God, the more we grow apart. 
No longer on the same accord. 
One minute, he crying, feeling like dying. 
Wondering why God is allowing him to go through hell. 
Then the next minute he in the club, acting like a thug, being of this world.

Waking up feeling like my heart is about to collapse. 
Falling on my knee praying for his spiritually welfare. 
Always the one to encourage physically and emotionally. 
Expecting me to seek God on his behalf. 
Then I finally made a decision, God I deserve better than this. 
I deserve a man who walk in your shadow. 
A man of great faith. 
Becoming like Ruth. 
My Boaz, I will patiently wait for. 
The next man I open my heart to, must first, know you. 
The next man I submit my all, must first love you. 
Until then Lord, my whole heart, I fully entrust with you.