If it ain't so

 

If it aint so

If it's not broken promises- you don't love me

if it's not you creeping-you don't love me

if there aren't secret accounts and secret passwords-you don't love me

if it isn't contradicting statements and missing of details-you don't love me

 

If the relationship is not o.k, then I don't want it.

 

How do you get off of a carousal of hurt and pain?

How do you stop the carousal of lies and shame?

How do you pray and rely on faith, when you're so weak you cant even raise your head?

 

if it's not lat night calls and texts to exes-you don't love me

if it's not chatting up what you like instead of what you have-you don't love me

if it's not making me feel guilty for still being in pain-it's not normal

 

If I keep on trying to show you that I'm damaged and you won't let me-it's not real.

 

How do you let go of someone that you love?

How do you try to not make someone feel guilty for the pain they've caused?

how do you accept the truth behind the lies?

that if it's not so, the relationship won't survive.

 

Like a battered woman who never leaves

so am I when I think on these things

cause I love you but with a face of dysfunction

and I hate you because it was all your doing.

I also resent you because you can move on

and here I am scrambling to push it all down.

 

if it aint the past is the past lets just let this go-you don't know me

if it aint I've deleted their numbers your all I want-I don't believe it.

if it aint we can get past this and you weren't at fault-I cant believe it.

 

That you could be so naive and still think I'm happy.                                             T.Christine copyright 2015