Declaration of Pain

CATEGORY

life

Its said that the eyes are the windows to the soul; Peering into these once warm pools of brown all that's visible is desolate and cold. My hearts so heavy, how it use to fly. These eyes full of tears; I refuse to let them cry. Angry with myself for allowing you to turn me into someone I've never been. Angry with you for portraying yourself as something you'll never be. Angry that I'm sad... Angry I was vulnerable... Angry I submitted... Angry that I tried... Angry I love you... Angry that I'm angry. I want you to hurt, but I I couldn't fathom bringing you pain. Thought I could love you out of your mess, I was a fool in her folly... All efforts were in vain. Warned by those I love, yet still held to foolish idealisms. Until finally , I was forced to accept icey realities. You may want me... But you are bound to her. I may want you... But she needs you. Let's face it, needs always out weigh wants. And I'm just to independent to be that needy. But for what its worth, I wish that I could be. For what its worth I wish that I could be weak. For what its worth. I wish that I could say I'd die without you... Unfortunately I just wasn't built that way. Unfortunately I draw strength from the new day. Its okay... My emotions will pour through this pen to this paper, and in turn purge you from my heart. I'll have a drink when I'm alone and find you in my mind. And eventually your memory will be buried with all of the other "would haves" and "should haves" ... Deep beneath the mayhem Deep beneath my determination Deep beneath all regrets Beneath my dreams Beneath my hustle Beneath my grind And all the way beneath all of this SHINE. And for lack of oxygen, like the fire that we once had, that memory will die. I know there is a soul whom my soul is. Meant to bless, But for now I'll leave my heart with The Almighty... I swear it needs rest.