I Wonder

I wonder what it's gonna be like when I die

The feeling of knowing I've crossed over to the other side

The bible says to be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord 

I just don't want to go the other way when he pulls my cord

Will I be greeted with blowing trumpets by perfectly white angels as the gated open for me?

Or will some of my choices land me into a burning pit of eternity?

I wonder.

Will God sit on his throne 

And show me everything I did wrong 

Or will I proven right

And advance to the light?

Or will I just be overcome with darkness?

The absence of life as if I was just sleep. 

Will I be rewarded for being a virgin this long since the bible says it's right?

Or will my years of pornographic sites be the reason he tells me to depart from his site?

Will I be accepted for accepted the holy spirit and the bible says it's fit?

Or will the fact that I like to drink every once in a while send me to the fiery pit?

Cause some of us have been drunk with spirits

But will God reject me for not pressing in and being drunk in the spirit

I wonder. 

I've always had these thoughts

Like what if the face I'm seeking is not real or what if all my life it's been lies that I've been taught?

I wonder. 

If God blesses me with a job and money

Is it really robbing God if I don't put something into the collection plate on Sunday?

I mean will I go to hell for missing a month or two?

Knowing that he knows my circumstances and what I'm going through?

I wonder. 

If I'll be asked by God why I wrote this poem in the first place

I'm sure I will, but until then, I'll just wonder.