Losing my inspiration

Ask me why I walk with my head down 
Go ahead and break the ice 
I'm gathering up my heart
Using knives. 
That's right. 
I've lost my inspiration 
Can't even write without 
Hesitation.  
So quick I debate
This state 
God wants me to feel the pain
It's enormous 
No umbrella can 
Protect me from the rain. 
Let me feel it 
The damage won't dissipate 
This is the fate I've been 
Given 
Handed this burden
Like some f***** up 
Rhythm!
What's my f****** position!?
My negativity 
Has clouded my brain 
The hate poisons my veins 
I've lost my f****** inspiration 
Can't you see
The pain behind my eyes!?
No mask, no paint, no prayer 
Can disguise 
Just let it seep
My soul longs to weep 
It's time I feel it. 
Slowly deal the hand 
But I've run out of cards
My last hope 
Is my shattered heart. 
How the f*** do I manage!?
I'm going through the motions 
A slow panic
Makes a sneak attack 
I'm naked
Slow to react
A dark cloud hangs from the sky
Ready to swallow me up
I'm tripping over my own laces 
Knowing it's the evil 
Which has created 
The vacant ruins 
Within me. 
Turning my prior cold feelings 
Into frost bite 
I might just 
Fall further 
Hold me down. 
Let me feel the bullets 
Let them ring 
I want to hear it
Maybe the nightmare 
Will be over 
By the time I'm finished 
Wiping my tears 
Upon loose shoulders 
The sorrow smashes me 
Like boulders. 

I used to be supreme 
Handling 
Every situation 
With ease
But I've lost my inspiration 
It's been stolen 
Along with the vibrancy 
Of your memory 
Your slight smile 
Haunting me. 
Your brown eyes 
Reminding me 
Of the reasons
I live.
A love so strong 
The separation 
Is unbearable 
F****** incomparable 
To anything else. 
I've ever felt. 
Now nobody can save me 
I've made a perfect enemy 
With the bloodline 
With which 
You derive. 
Can't stop the hatred 
So I'm shooting blind.
Vengeance is sweet 
It's too late 
I can't retreat. 
There's no potion for me 
To drink 
Unless it's the type 
To put me to sleep 
But I guarantee 
If I wake up in hell 
And 
I happen to see
Those responsible 
For this travesty 
It will be the last time 
They ever breathe 
F*** every 
Plead for peace 
There are no words 
To describe 
The ways that I bleed. 
Too much time has passed 
The hurt collapsing upon
You. 
There goes my inspiration. 
I feel it slowly erasing 
I could try 
But I'm hesitating 
God I pray 
Even though my pride
Is too great 
I don't accept this as the fate
Of a young child 
Forgive me
We haven't spoke in a while. 





Written By

Desiree Chavez