To Be Loved

CATEGORY

life

I’m a good father, husband
I give love; I cook and I also meticulously like to clean
But all I get is spit upon
Berated, loss of conversation & demeaned

Let me illustrate the life of this child of debate
I’m mixed with various feelings ranging from love all the way to hate
Love for the people I care for
And hate for the fact I choose to remain in this plane so insane
Obviously spewed from the a$$ of a demon
And all I do is awaken to be loved and for that only I am feening!

Internally dieing as my spirit is screaming
Whitened teeth while I got my fillings gleaming

Honestly
What does a person have to do to get what he deserves?
Should I snap mentally and go psychotically ape
Can anybody really and truly relate?
I take my family and deeply consecrate
My love is so mixed with anger
It makes it difficult to concentrate!

Yet here I be, and still here I stay!
Willing and able to do so much more
But I continue to bow my head & pray
At what time and moments should God not be involved?!
At what time in your life do you look at your circumstances and you take it and solve

I have solutions
With no restitution
It will destroy my core and shaken my constitution
But then again what is the true resolution?
I can feel my spirit dissipate as my soul withers in destitution.

All I ever really want
Are the very things I work real hard to give
My purpose of life was to create a life of purpose
And for that philosophy is what I daily do live

I don’t just talk but walk the path that I tread
But the pain of being human lost in a broken relationship has crazy thoughts flying in my head
Happy to be alive for the sake of my daughter
But I can’t show her how to be happy
When I myself an polluted water
I feel like a lamb for the slaughter
Knowing I am going to the fold to be bold but then scolded
Can’t take the sound of the sheep and hold it

Can it be
My own institutionalized spiritual insanity
Maybe if I we were a man of profane insanity and vanity
Then maybe I would get the love & respect from my own family

Cause to be loved by strangers and yet looked down by your own
Makes you go insane in your dome
What’s the purpose of a beautiful house if it’s a suicide home?

Padded walls is probably what I need
Cause the devil takes his weed and that’s all he does feed

Sifted and burned by the very same mustard seed
I was supposed to move mountains
But now I’m thirsty and told I can’t drink from the life giving fountain

So have I always suffered in such nonsense
I have always given whole-heartedly with out any pretense
But now I live on the defense
Not to go offend and have any offended
But to give is to get
So what the heck?
Am I still crying here
I thought I played my cards right
But I never had any card of the deck!

So maybe I should just isolate myself
And go bury myself into the dirt of my mind
Bury myself so deeply
That the suppressed version of me would be so difficult to find

Or maybe stop seeking light, life and info to share
Why should I continue to care for people who they themselves don’t care!
On Gods holy name I do swear
I guess all this time speaking of a snare I myself must be a bit more aware
The fact is that it isn’t and will never be fair
Unless I care ONLY for myself and do what I gotta do for me
But then that would exclude everyone including my own family

And that’s the battle I struggle with every moment of every day
Should I even continue to vent these thoughts to you
Or knowing I’ll never get an answer, continue to beg & to pray?

Guess time will tell
Oh what the hell
Maybe I myself am an empty shell
A long time ago trying to be the best I could be
In any and every capacity
Got the devil so mad at me
That he emptied me of any true identity
So this is the crying soul that you now see
Well, I will end this and in due time you just may see
Or actually
You might not
Because unless I walk away
My spirit will atrophy & rot
And my flesh will lie wounded and scarred on a broken military cot

SkTzO