I Lied

I said I didn't love you anymore,
I lied 
I said my heart is no longer yours,
I lied 
I know you can't love me the way I need 
Temporarily bringing me happiness,
your love is just not guarantee 
It was either living in everlasting misery with you,
or, 
living broken just for a moment

I do not apologize for choosing me
I gave you everything that was of me
Still I was not good enough  
to leave it all behind
for the love people envy and talked about
Missing your smile,
laughter,
the pleasure

Feeling that sharp pain of sadness in my heart
moments later,
here comes anger
Memories of me crying,
begging,
worrying,
praying
Screaming at the top of my lungs
PAY ATTENTION 

Why could you not just listen 
to the signs that were given
I am to blame 
I tried playing the same game
Ultimately losing, 
defeating myself

Acting like I didn't care
I lied
I thought you were doing the same,
not caring you did so well 
Breaking my heart time and time again
Time, you thought would always be on your side 
I waited and waited
I told myself,
I could never love anyone more than I loved you
I lied