Abandoned

Abandoned

Can you see the sadness behind my eyes?

would you be able to feel my pain?

think how it`s feel like

to be by yourself and frightened

they left me like I am nothing

no mother, no father, no one to care for me

no one to raise me or teach me how to be human

with no parents to refrain

 

The whole world was:

 too cold, too big and too cruel.

no house or bed to go back to every night,

I lie awake every night, alone under the bridge,

hungry like a Wolf.

overcome with panic, pain, and desperation

migraine that made my whole body throbs

developing a contaminated and stigmatized identity

I was a tender ember seeking solace from above...

 

I remember the pain I felt and wonder why

when my human needs were ignored, rejected and invalidated

living in a nightmare in the darkness of my soul.

tries to cry out for help, but soon learns that no one will listen

carries my denial like precious cargo without a port of destination.

Inside, my soul became so cold I hated everything and everyone

forced to alienate myself from reality and own experience

I wasn’t given permission to be my own person

 

It’s hard for me to admit that inside I feel a really lonely person

It is so degrading and I try to forget, it hurts so much because they are my parents.

I suddenly realized that my lifelong search for love

and acceptance had finally ended in the arms of a foster parents and Roman Catholic Church.

I am a survivor because every day I make a choice

not to be governed by their harsh words or actions.

Hiding my pain and acting strong, afraid to cry and show my tears,

I struggle with all this years later.”

 

The memories flood back, still so many years to go

hopping growing up will bring escape and freedom.

 

Thanks to my

foster parents and Roman Catholic Church

I am a creative man who is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.