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the strength of manipulation weighs me down.
in the back of my pretty little mind, i know but once im front and center in this situation, i neglect what i should acknowledge.
i sit and try to figure out what exactly am i doing wrong.
what can i do to make it right
it starts with me but it ends with him.
my free speaking mind drove him to devalue my being.
all i wanted was for him to love me.
all i wanted was to be protected.
to be respected.
but that's just to much to ask for.
i refuse to let him self destruct.
but somehow..i end up destructed.
i end up messed up while he's out having fun.
i end up crying while he's out laughing.
his laugh is blissful.
his smile is endless.
my pain run deeps.
i roll on a river full of tears i cried yesterday and try to find my way through this torture.
do i blame him?
or do i blame myself?
he caused the pain but i allowed him to cause it.
yet he's happy, healthy and free so i guess nothing i did affected him.
but it affected me.
badly.
sadly.
God please help me.
