Flawful

CATEGORY

life

You don't have to go very far to find something real, if you're looking for someone special. Time and energy can be wasted on the wrong person if you're not careful. You said I just want someone to love me for me, my imperfections, flaws, and all. But do you? Don't ask someone to love you if you don't. Let me tell you what I found to be true. I've spent a lot of time out in the world with my eyes but I could not see. The realest thing I've ever been able to find was how real I could be with me. I'm impatient, hard-headed, stubborn, and I always think I'm right. And when it comes down to anybody I love I stand, defend, and FIGHT! I love to cook freely it makes me pretty happy but I hate it when I feel like I have to. Because I don't feel like it's just the woman's role to cook and clean, we should be able to do what we want to. it's hard raising kids, they drive me insane. I'm not afraid to admit I need help. But it's only me so i yell and i scream and I occasionally give them the belt. I'm not afraid to be alone but I fear I'll always be alone because I think no one can love me. No one's going to love me like I love me, not what I want but it's all that I need. I struggle with low self-esteem but pretty good on pretending there's confidence. I spend a few hours putting on my makeup but I promise I'm not high maintenance. My closest friends are my shadow and reflection but I never pay them any mind. Because my shadow never says much of anything and my reflection lies most of the time. I have feelings for someone who wants nothing to do with love and for her there's no debating. But it's that "forever" quality I see in her that makes me feel like it's worth waiting. My mom gave me away when I was little, my brother 6 and I was only two. I waited until I was an adult to ask her why. Her only response is "Cause I didn't want you". I saw her every now and then throughout the years but it wasn't ice cream and cake because every single chance she got she told me that I was a mistake. I don't really have abandonment issues but I do require a lot of attention. Never met Daddy, no need to tell you where it left me and with all that my biggest battle is rejection. I love God and I'm a spiritual being with the last few months it's been hard to pray. And although my future is bright I struggle with faith day-to-day. I could keep on going but you see what I'm doing in the point is that I finally see me. All of me and it's okay with me, is the first step I take to be free. All the flaws and baggage, it's probably average, cuz we all have a story or two. But we gotta love ourselves. Evolve and change ourselves. A new mindset is overdue. Thanks for listening to the Pieces of Me. This is who I am and I am not ashamed. Every single day I'm working on me. So what I got for me is a love thang!