Resentment

At night , when I'm laying in my bed I think about you and all the things you said. The things you said we would do, I hate you so much .. I honestly resent you If the universe was mine I would turn back these hands of time , I would rewind to the second before you said hello . I would turn in the opposite direction and cross the street without looking to and fro. Risking death to escape the painful moment you slithered into my soul like a serpent spitting me lies from the very first "hello." And I stayed. I gave you the benefit of the doubt . I decided to give you a second chance ... And then another ... And then another . I wanted so much to feel wanted that I let myself be mentally seduced by words of insanity. I shed an ocean of tears. I bled shameful pools of blood. I ignored the love I had for me. Tired of being the only to love me , I let that love die.  And now she's gone , I lost myself to a dirty deed that only wanted me physically. Emotionally I was irrelevant. Mentally I was incompetent. Advantage you took of my vulnerability and turned it into hatred. Hatred for every soul including my own. I trust none , not even myself. I will love none , not even myself. The love I gave away is now being given away to the one who helped destroy it. Why couldn't you just stay away? I don't understand why you had to put my being to shame. I trusted . I loved. I forgave. I cared. The things we are supposed to do. We are taught to do these things as children. And as a child I trusted, I loved, I cared, I forgave ... Yet and still I was hurt, betrayed, unforgiven, ignored. See me smile . I will always smile . I will never let you see me in my weakness . But always remember my silver spoon fed me hatred.