Just me

My soul's 50 shades of grey, heart is black and gold

And though I hate the weight, I love the load

Deep inside I welcome pain although it takes its toll

Intermittent indifference, yet consumed with breaking the mold

My sun is warmer than ever but my face is cold

My history is flooded with contradictory epiphanies

Lividly trying to live blissfully

Hate the attention, but vigorously wishing that someone wished for me

Trying to alter my fate, but accept my destiny

Taking advice but convinced only I know whats best for me

Wanna leave a legacy, just not ready to give all that's left of me

Giving the best of me yet questioning

The internal chaos that I cling to so desperately, is thing same thing that's gonna be the death of me

Preaching progress but side stepping that which vexes me

End of my rope, but believing this isn't what's left for me...

...I know everything in life is preordained and all I can do is think with my mind open and pray with my eyes closed...