Suicidal Pt. 4 (i'm back)

here i am
consulting you once again
now a days you seem like my only friend
on you i depend, i have to write this, let me grab a paper and pen
im tired of having to pretend-
like im happy all day
walking around with a smile on my face
its such a disgrace that i feel this way
because every night i have to yell thoughts of anger and hate into my pillow case
i spend nights and days trying to contemplate 
why these thoughts and feelings dont away
as a child all i had to worry about was what to play
now i start stressing over things as soon as i awake
reflection, thanks for paying attention
speaking to you gives me a small sense of direction
i no longer have any bad intentions 
nothing seems to go right, i cant even  listen to others suggestions
i cant even face my regrets and-
i just seem to be losing it slowly but surely
anyways thanks for listening to my story
~PEACE