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I've cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, that I was trouble
You know that I'm no good
I met her where few seldom travel
Slow music, dim lights, what have you
She came and asked me to buy her a drink, and we had a few
As she told me about her ex, and what he did that had her mad at dude
I seen her mouth moving but I hardly heard words
I tuned out those senseless things so that I could focus on her curves
See to me, this was just another night and she was just another girl
And as I studied her anatomy, I was thinking about would could occur
Between me and her, and I'm not talking about dating
I'm talking about a night of intimacy after we engage in intoxicated conversations
Growing anxious I asked her if it was OK if I take her home
At first she said no, it's against the policy, that it was wrong
But I was attentive, strong, so ready to do what us men do
So I fed her more drinks, and with each sip I pressed the issue
Until the point we left the spot, and I was feeling like a celebrity
As we walked to my car... I tried to shake this voice telling me
I've cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, that I was trouble
You know that I'm no good
I woke up around noon and I noticed she wasn't there
Only thing left of her was the scent of her essence in the air
Her body imprint in my bed, on the pillow a strand of hair
And a note on the nightstand... but I didn't even care
I chalked this up as another notch in my belt, another girl on a list of names
Another girl I took advantage of... Another casualty to the game
Brain replaying the events of last night rendezvous when we went to war
Visions of her climbing the walls, and screaming in my ear to give her more
Hard kisses, playful bites, experimenting with every position
Applying all the force I could muster before she tapped out to my submissions
Pullin her in close to listen to her heartbeat go back to its normal pace
Contemplatin if I should let her sleep or send her back to her place
Now I look at the bed and realize she is nothing but a distant memory
She didn't leave me a way to contact her... the exact way a One Night Stand is meant to be
I took the note off of the night stand which had "Read Now" written in Red
I added it to the collection of letters I'll never read, while trying to supress the voice in my head
That was telling me...
I've cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, that I was trouble
You know that I'm no good
A few months have passed since that night, and I'm not feeling well
No... that's an understatement... I feel like hell
The voice I keep trying to supress keeps growing louder and louder
And every time I look at a woman... I can do nothing but cower
Could it be guilt of the night I spent with the mysterious stranger
Who for a moment let me into her world? Do I feel guilt because of her anger?
Couldn't be, Shouldn't she have forgotten me?
I mean it was a One Night Stand, so what possibly
Could I have done to make me feel this way?
Maybe I'm overthinking this too much man I need me some haze
In a clouded daze,I gaze at the TV... Breaking News, just in
Police have found the body of local woman while raiding a notorious drug den
Were waiting on the autopsy but a drug overdose seems to be the cause of death
They show a photo... IT'S HER!!! I almost lost my breath
How come she didn't tell me she was on drugs? What was goin on that put her in that position?
She kept trying to tell me something that night... God, why didn't I listen
Is this the reason why I am feeling guilt? Am I the reason that she died?
Wait... Didn't she leave me a note that night? Maybe there I can find the answer.... Why?
I went to my letter drawer... Found the note that was perfectly sealed
With "Read Now" written in Red... what I read gave me a nervous chill
It read...
"I hope this note finds you in the best of health
And I hope you enjoyed last night... As I enjoyed myself
You may surpised if you are reading this once you realize I'm not there
So I figured that I would leave you this... In the event you really care
You see only thing I ever wanted was to be a mother and a wife
But it seems like I will never have that because of men like you in my life
You see... growing up I had a father who I feel never loved me
Every night he would get drunk and beat me... sneak in at night and touch me
My mom tried to stop him... but then he would beat her pretty bad
To the point where she just accepted it and let him do it... That day made me sad
It went on until I was 17... and I had the courage to run away
No money so I felt I had no choice but to sell myself to survive day by day
Every night a different man, who would do nothing but use me
But at that point I got used to it... All of the men who abused me
See I wanted to be a mother... I wanted to be someone's Queen
But I guess I was dreaming too big, because that's not what life had for me
Then I thought that I found a man that could give me everything I hoped for
He told me if I became is slave, he would love me and we would grow more
He asked if he could give me the world, and I told him to let me have it
First he gave me that House In Virginia... which turned into the Apartment In Dallas
So tragic... But I guess life is nothing but a joke and I am the punchline
Because when I confronted him about it... He showed me that he could punch fine
But he didn't punch as hard as my father... A pain I knew all to well
So I figured why continue to fight thid? Might as well get comfy in hell
That is... until I saw you... something about you caught my eye
I could read energies well and I thought you was different from the other guys
All I wanted last night was conversation... something to stall the pain
But you just wanted another conquest... Now I see men are all the same
See I didn't want to give you this burden... Honestly that wasn't my purpose
But since all you cared about was getting inside of me... Bump it... you deserve this
After you are done reading this... you may want to get checked out
Or continue to be the dog you are and pass that burden until you check out
Just know you was my last resort... I thought you could be my friend
But instead you pushed me over the edge... you will never see me again
I hope you learned something from this... but if not... oh well
I done this for the women that lost their lives because of men like you... burn in hell"
I dropped the letter to the floor, as my eyes filled with tears
And as I curled up into a ball... I heard the voice... this time loud and clear...
I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you that I was trouble
You know that I'm no good...
