re*entry

. 
Caught up 
in a deadly spin

Spiraling downward 
with turbulence, 
creating chaos 
personal 
nothingness 
comes alive 
to haunt me 
with an unseen paralysis 
a parallel universe 
opening from within 
enveloping 
tearing at my face... 
From the inside 
feeling you 
here, too 
nearly all of 
you and i... 
On the same 
distant plateau 
in every thought 
suffocating more 
by each passing 
second, every 
waking moment 
we walk together 
of every single day 
what you may see 
calm perhaps, 
as through 
some tinted glass 
little hint of 
gray matter decay 
although, signs 
warning alarms 
sound everywhere 
but, in you 
because, these 
i have chosen to ignore 
at all cost... 
Yet, i persist 
in my attempt 
to send you 
what i believe 
you need... 
Although, you protest 
at nearly every turn 
i must give you truth, not 
only the fruit of your desire, 
but the thorn as well 
seeing your struggles 
through space time windows 
between the shores... 
Of our private oceans

You cannot see 
my distress 
the me, you see 
seems unafraid... 
You cannot feel me 
now... 
. 
. 
. 
I am here 
beside you, still 
as you have seen me before 
although, invisible... 
Terribly, alone... 
Stuck 
in a place... 
With, you solely 
wanting, needing you 
more than ever 
even as you 
want and need more 
you shot me 
at point blank range 
...in my face, 
sparing my heart 
to suffer through 
the indignity 
of crawling back to you 
just for you to run me away

In my gasping thoughts 
all i can think of 
is loving you, 
in another way 
although you, it seems 
are lost, too

Unbelieving... 
And so, 
these tears, i cry 
mean nothing to you 
and to the world 
every moment more 
i die 
inside, my shell

It seems you found 
my 
...secret garden, 
...what you 
and 
the world, 
might think of, as... 
Simply beautiful

Is my complex 
mobile 
dream machine 
delicately balanced 
between 
my world and yours 
imaginary in every way, 
possible, but true 
nevertheless 
at greater depth, 
still merely a facade, 
a decorated 
cell, 
dressed up 
Eden... 
Was just... 
As you so adeptly 
may phrase it 
my private world, 
my lonely ...room 
...in hell 
. 
C2