he's dead

i want to tell my son his father is dead 

i know it isn't right 

but i cant take him crying for him at night 

he doesn't call 

he doesn't see him

he damn sure doesn't send any money

so why does my son feel the need to shed tears for someone who doesn't care 

he understands a little bit and that's not enough

i want him to understand to full capacity so he can stop asking for this man that isn't here 

i know it isn't fair 

these are my true feelings 

i cant bare to look into my son's eyes and he's asking for something i cant provide 

i tried hard as hell to stay

things just didn't work in our favor and i live with the decision to leave every single day

while his dad freely gave up his responsibility

not taking a second thought because if he did he would be here and not wherever he is while his child is crying his eyes out for a person who doesnt care to be present in his life

all i can do is be the best mother i can be 

my son will see who his father really is 

eventually