Two sides

I have two sides of me and didn't realize it
I look at other peoples success and feel like I should quit 
I must admit
One side of me is happy
The other side is sad
I just want people to look at the feelings I have
People don't understand that I'm tired of putting on a disguise
Looking happy when I'm not
Until I have that man in my life
One day I have happiness the next I have sorrow
I want to know what happens tomorrow
I want someone to bring excitement in my life
Eventually be someone's wife
I can't get rid of the past
Can't see through the future
Need that special guy to hold my hand
Need somebody shoulder to cry on 
So tired of thinking about my ex just want to relax
I'm afraid that if I get into another relationship I will get hurt again
And I don't want that breaking my heart again 
I deserve a smile on my face instead; of feeling like a disgrace