His Name

CATEGORY

life

I can't recall ever uttering the words dad-dad, much less ma-ma

I always called my mother by her name

It wasn't a sign of disrespect because she and I both knew it was the same

Unlike most mothers, mine never scold me for it

Instead she was flattered and gave me nothing but praise

I must have counted to 10 too many times

Because I said my mothers name passed the number 99

So much so, that my fathers name became an imaginary number

I saw my fathers imaginary self for the first time

When he rang the bell a little after nine with his obscure shadow in front of mine

And, in my little space between the door

I stood and called out my mother in a quiet roar

Here I was standing by a man who somehow knew my name

And, all I could say was, "this man, this man was standing in my way"

It was then I knew I was a fatherless child

And, all the those times I said my mothers name

never stirred up any of his remains

Years went by and little by little

I began to learn of his name

Old love letters hidden in a shoe box between my mother and him

Painted his name to be love

Or, the way my mother would tell stories about this man she barely knew

Created images of fond memories long overdue

Or, that time I found a picture in her room of him tucked under some clothes in a draw

It was then my mother walked right in

And, took it away on a whim

It was the first time I ever saw my mother in pain

I realized his name had to be monster

Why else would she run away?

I thought to myself how bad could he be,

After all, I do have his last name

Does that make me a monsters child?

I realized now what I didn't then

That these earthly beings were much like Adam and Eve

After they sin

But, thank God his mercies didn't allow me to turn my heart black as Cain's

The question is, what is in a name?

His name

His name

His last name is all I have...