Duces - remix

Early one morning I was driving to work,
Cliching my stomach tight cuz that 'ish hurts,
Excuses,
Late night Chipolte,
My will power was useless,
Should have skipped the beans,
An unscheduled stop at a public bathroom it seems,
Gas station bathroom, naw I'm not siting on that!
Opened the toilet seat, and out flew a bat!
I saw a Target store a few blocks back,
When I arrived knew I had to #2,
No parking spaces, so what else could I do?
Fire lane, an Associate in a red vest started to complain,
"I know", I exclaimed, "f@#k it, just tow it,
No time to explain!"
Eyes watering, walking bow-legged a$$ hauling it,
They put the f&$#ing bathrooms all the way in the back, now I'm Prairie Dogging it!
Aint this some 'ish, only two stalls, and both of them full,
I'm dancing around holding my a$$ like a fool,
Gotta pee too, one urinals occupied, and the other is broke,
Can't believe my luck, this is like a really bad joke,
'ish is getting heavy literally, and I'm at my wits end,
Considering going to isle 13 to buy some Depends,
Finally a stall is open, get the hell out my way,
People scoffing at me, I got 5 'ishs worth, f$%k what he say!
I am about to have a real occupy movement,
No toilet paper in the stall, but I said screw it!
Had the biggest Duce of my life no fronting,
So embarrassed for the aftermath of my a$$ drop, I actually bought something!
Duces!
I've got to boo boo,
You too?
Who knew,
Two scoops
Walking in a park with my Shih Tzu,
Sit you boo,
Sit, good dog <woof>,
I didn't pick that up Mr. Officer, cause it thought it was a log,
I've only got this, look at that, I'll need a Glad bag,
That's that weapon of mass destruction Bush said was in Baghdad,
Really a ticket and a mistermeanor?
I thought the grass was greener,
On the other side, yes, that's me in the fecal APB,
The incident at Target was different, this time I'm not guilty,
Mr. Officer it wasn't me and my past BM's are Irrelevant,
Honestly, that's some X-Files 'ish probably belongs to an alien,
I'm appalled at your acquasation I'm going to write my congressman,
You have me on video? OK I did it then, I knew It was wrong,
This is blatant discrimination you'd better leave me alone!
I'll win in court on account of irratable bowel syndrome,
Take into consideration my current state of constipation,
Banned from public restrooms for life - can you imagine my frustration?

Duces!