Microsoft Gangsta

I'm proficient in PowerPoint,
Excellent in Excel,
Outstanding in Outlook,
In Microsoft Office I got skills,
Embedding tables, V&H Lookups, Pivots tables, & Visual Basic formulas,
Digging up data like backhoes,
Prolific with specific add-ins and macros,
My presentation graphics are fabulous,
Calculate margins with crazy mathematics,
Got these slides and charts flipping like Olympic gymnastics,
Work magic with these function keys,
Ain't used help menus since 2003,
You want to learn what I know?
Watch some videos on YouTube bro!
Then we can grab lunch, when you Eatin'?
I'll block off an hour and send you a meeting,
Notice... All this meeting in person is bogus!
I'll conference call all y'all, just like I'm the POTUS,
When they asking for forecasting,
I predict future sales with a passion,
Kicking thru these Windows like a Shinobi,
Plus my PDF game's flame like Adobe.
Word is bond like asterisk dot D.O.C.X,
And my Lotus Notes database still remains fresh,
I mess around a little in Access & Visio,
Stopped using Internet Explorer years ago,
Nothing but Chrome cuz it remembers my passwords,
Shout out to IT support and the rest of my Office nerds!

When I Control, Alt, and Delete in this piece,
And change my password for the third time this week,
Pop in & out of documents like water in hot grease,
All you Android & Apple fans is just sheep,
So maybe we still deal with system crashes,
Three or Four times a week on average,
Get to leave work early when I'm blessed,
With the blues screen of death,
Or when I need to save large files I have to hold my breath,
Cause there's a chance it won't save,
As I look at all my windows locked frustrated and amazed,
At how an inferior software conquered the world for decades,
Yet still manages to get worse with each version replaced,
While we pay them more money again, what a disgrace...