what if

In solitude of slumber I find…mind wandering down distant paths…and endless questioning…like…what if when you dream you’re actually awake and when you awake…yeah…that’s the real dream…hmmmmm…or what if men could birth children and women could deny seed…like, that baby don’t look like me…daddy’s baby, momma’s maybe…day time television just invaded, forgive me...Maury flashback…or no seriously, what if….what if the sky is green and grass is blue and we’re really flying while standing still…levitating...I mean what if I’m a real life Truman show and all of ya’ll know but me…like an experiment with no catch all…then the religion in me rises up and I feel a sudden conviction when thoughts deepen to…what if…Hell is actually cold like in Dante’s Inferno and not burning with gnashing of teeth…what if you freeze to that hypothermic point that feels like needles burning and that’s really what the Bible means…but no sleep…or what if…Heaven really is streets of gold and all day singing and praising…do angels ever get bored…or what if…it’s like the Robin Williams movie where Heaven was actually specific to the individual…like where I recognize my family and not just a familiarity of souls dancing…or what if…past lives are true and that déjà vu feeling you get when meeting someone new is a memory…a warning to walk away or embrace deeply…not miss an opportunity or dodge a bullet…I mean, what if, you experience lifetimes as a new being…or another species… just to prove you’re more well-rounded…”there’s levels to this” seems to resound in my head… I find myself laughing hysterically at a dazed image of a grasshopper I just squashed or an ant I sprayed to death thinking…you just killed your family…sigh…but what if the tragedy is, when you close your eyes at the end of time….there is nothing…nothing to lose...nothing to hope for…nothing to gain…just a realization in those final moments that while you were thinking too much…you let your entire life go to waste…what if…