Lemme explain the essence of a corkerasp.

if even just a hunch
available from this asinine 
mwm - best applied after lunch
n best 2 git one b4 any munch
heater dost beat ja tooth ha punch
good luck - if helpful call cap'n crunch 
4 u 2 thank me a little or a bunch
or mebbe would ought 2 meet 
if totally confused email 2 smooth 
brow that tis fur rowed wither ing scrunch.
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whenever constipation a pain in the ass
just maneuver lightweight 
   metal contrivance made of brass
no matter if anybody considers this action crass
apply corkscrew motion up alimentary canal 
   to remove waste
-         -         -         -         -         -         -        -         -    
which most likely will be thick like petrified paste
stuck deep inside bowels of sphincter muscles 
   solidly encased
causing severe cramps within lower gastrointestinal tract
inducing one to wince nonstop 
   being with fecal matter packed
-         -         -         -         -         -         -        -         -    
no amount of primal groaning looses hard fact
nor does imagery of freed turd
   ease the anal plight
no laughing matter despite how absurd
-         -         -         -         -         -         -        -         -    
   squeezing does nothing even applying all inner might
thus necessary to incorporate 
   un-natural intervention to un-clog
rectal blockage + uncomfortable bloating 
   swelling anus the size of a hog
-         -         -         -         -         -         -        -         -    
disabling barely any ease to stand let alone jog
yet tis essential per extricating 
   what feels like one did swallow a log
lest epitaph induce impossible eulogy 
-         -         -         -         -         -         -        -         -    
   unless spoken the language of prague
every ounce of effort required to bend
over gingerly affixing plunger end of device 
   to business of rear end
-         -         -         -         -         -         -        -         -    
best accompanied with close companion or friend
since this dirty deed done dirt cheap trick will ideally rend
rock solid excrement to roll and crashing sound send 
upon the  bathroom floor
-         -         -         -         -         -         -        -         -    
possibly inducing seismic waves less or more
whereby toilet bowl water will pour
over the sides akin to white caps near sea shore
without doubt making gluteus maximums extremely sore.
-         -         -         -         -         -         -        -         -    
...matthew scott harris