unheard cries

i never understood how do we known when to cry and not to cry is it an on and off button that triggers when were in certain situations ok just kidding .. but really i cried a lot growing up even though i would try so hard not to and family would always be the reason for it but i would never give them the  satisfaction of seeing me at my lowest.. like in the middle of the night i would cry until i had fallen asleep growing up in the household i lived in wasn't always the easiest kind of life it was like  whatever life obstacles i was going through i was`on my own. like an emptiness feeling in a motherless child . speaking of mothers my mom wasn't always like other mothers she always had some type of anger upon me like me existing was the biggest downfall in her life but that was the scariest thing as years past growing up in that household really made me feel like i was just existing like i had no purpose being on earth period like im just taking up space. oh and my dad .. I think he use to pick me up on weekends so he wouldn't have to deal with the wrath of my mother, she did say he never wanted me .. I guess he learned to like me over time crazy right? and as much as I begged to stay with him he would always say one day one day ended up to years and now.. well the rest is history.. to be continued