8400
As a young whippersnapper and one
precocious lad to boot, I discovered
common combustible materials found
in the bathroom. At opportune times,
I blithely tinkered with dangerous
chemicals that never exploded into
one humungous fiery maelstrom
and booming across the dale plus
obliterating me to smithereens!
Window kept open to avoid unnecessarily
nor accidental asphyxiation! After
clearing defecation within
rectal creases of bowels,
I indiscriminately combined various
household cleanse hers and cleaners
(in powder and/or liquid form)
into the bidet. The requisite sphincter muscle
by-product constituted key ingredient.
Anyway, my aha moment arrived
accompanied by the well-known verse:
CHORUS: Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay
Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!
Tara-ra Boom-de-ay!
Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay,
Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay,
Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay,
Ta-ra-ra Boom- de-ay,
T a-ra-ra Boom-de-ay!
one childhood day sought-after opportunity
arose sending a plume of smoke
in tandem with a geyser of water caused me to feel
flush with excitement! Waste trill flutter
ring filled thine heart (like music tum eye antlers)
after mine, solid waste fecal by-product
went kerplunk. Mere seconds
elapsed before an explosive outcome
found me hurled clear across the room
like a bat out of hell! Fortunate for me natural bodily excretory function never
caused serious outcome nor injury to life or limb! Immaculate notes (with
graphic pictures – albeit crude)
attempt to document pertinent information.
At some juncture with this a
secret laboratory experiment,
a close observation (with nose pinched tight)
revealed bubbles of air trapped within
our archaic household plumbing fixtures.
That aha i.e.eureka moment prompted me
to utter “holy ” when a chain reaction
similar to volcanic ash shooting into
the air took place on the planet Earth!
With haste, not waste,
nimble fingers scribbled unintelligibly
(deliberately illegible to everybody
but myself) the chemical romance
to light a fire under the buttocks of
whoever happened to be in need
of emptying their bowels!Now,
I eagerly waited (albeit with impatience)
for opportune time whereby
unsuspecting child or adult needed
to answer the alimentary call of nature
my dear Watson!The moment of
anticipation arrived when a long-forgotten
an accursed relative visited unexpectedly,
which unannounced rap on the door
fueled fanciful notion to whip up the potion
to promulgate prank within potty!
Once necessary ingredients (which
a secret formula cannot be divulged –
well maybe for a negotiable fee)
got poured giddy glee generated
gloating from head to toe! Quick as
Jack B Nimble or best friend Jack B. Quick,
these skinny legs sped away, yet
in close proximity to the innocent
a bystander who nonchalantly ambled
into the powder room to tend to private biz
ness!Right ear ed against wall served as
a barrier reef between the occupant of the water closet and yours
truly!Pleasant barely audible hummingbird singing
emanated while the obnoxious guest of dishonor
proceeded to place posterior
atop potty!Seconds ticked by with
every now and again pages of
printed material heard in conjunction
with abdominal groans and grunts
to assist sacrifice for porcelain goddess!
Utter stillness suddenly punctuated by
the initial sound of a splash into
the crapper!I cupped hands to mouth lest
any unwanted guffaw slip out!
Instantaneously, our pestilential
kooky cousin kissed theirgoodbye
as propulsion forced body politick
clear thru unwelcome ample sized window!
Goodbye Charlie (pseudonym used here
to protect the not so innocent) soon became
diminishing shape spiraling toward horizon!
One speck of flotsam headed spaceward
versus turgid turd joining brethren
into sewerage cistern!
Written by: Edgar Allan poop
