Shame beneath my Pride

Starring out my car window, life is going by so fast. 
I quickly have thoughts of the smile I involuntarily had last. 
With promises to stick to my guns, but at the first smell of trouble I get the depressed desire to run. 
Run back to emptiness, back to unhappiness,and most of all back to comfortness. 
Driving in a car alone scares me, forcing me to evaluate myself in my mind. 
Wondering if I made the right decision this time. 
Ashamed of who I am today, alone, divorced, selfish even unknowingly gender less. 
I guess you can look at my life and say I'm one big mess. 
As I approach the sunrise I feel my spirits go up and a sense of joy from my freedom. 
O how far  myself and I have come. 
In the back-seat there  is my past unhappiness created by untruthfulness, 
Things established from my incorrect search for beautiful bliss. 
Up here in the front with me is Sunshine 
A heartbeat that really feels  like its mines, 
Unfamiliar territory attached to my side 
 It is my newly found pride.