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January 13th 2024 - Happy Lxv-th birthday Matthew Scott Harris



Views: 80

date of conception:? ~ Late March – mid April 1958.
date of parturition: January xiii, mcmlix.

date of expiration:? January i, eminem,
where earth, wind, and fire doth usher
hootie and the blowfish
on a green day
and a three dog night
three doors down from foo fighters.


A gangly, horribly measly, and scraggly bundle
of lovely bones even as a lad
(way to skinny to appease wicked witch)
chee boo came out kicking and screaming

and he never stopped since

that's how I will get carried out.

Yours truly an aging married baby boomer
(orangutan missing link)
long haired pencil necked geek
(constantly clearing phlegm from his throat)
trademark disheveled characteristics
whipsawed ever faster around sun

quickly ratcheting and spiraling tornado like

nearly 30 kilometers per second,

or 67,000 miles per hour clip;
while sprawled atop earth,

he journeyed, jumpstarted, kickstarted,

launched countless planetary orbitz

quintessentially retracing trajectory
when Gaia linkedin courtesy gravity

maintaining invisible bond with Helios.


He (best nutty buddy

and alter ego of mine),

which birth sported an ordinary
uneventful, nevertheless miraculous

combination platter visited

ejaculation, menstruation, secretion

nsync with erratic spastic seminal kicks
divine fertilization usually took place

in a fallopian youtube
playing mine unrehearsed debut appearance

after an ovary to the uterus
wrought conception, which

begat biological reproductive process


fostered embryonic development
'o Boyce and Harriet straggly heir,

one male progeny mostly
gangly lovely bones mox nix

cellular division yes genesis

I rem:member being born

as an a door able beatle browed talking head

super tramping cheap tricks

immediately kickstarted and triggered

goo goo doll foo fighter enfant terrible
terrifically soulfully bellowing;

also envision Dolby surround sound
without assistance courtesy
Gran Prix (for poetic purpose

pronounceable sex pistols pricks).


Upon due date when water broke

vaguely analogous to how rice krispies

snapped, popped, and crackled;

firstly his crown emerged out cervix

ain't got pushed by no

heavy duty contractions out birth canal

no siree but propelled seven plus pounds

courtesy infantile flatulence
asthma noggin heralded

scrawny declaration, now celebrating lx

plus four ellipses around nearest star,
subsequently skinny arms and legs

(I'll spare ye the bloody graphics

with the afterbirth regarding


placenta and fetal membranes

discharged from the uterus

after the birth of offspring),

whence obstetrician able, eager,
ready, and willing to secure newborn
in swaddling raiment
affirming proud parents

their healthy baby boy

underscored with italics

readied to receive pronounced hosannas

regarding garden variety
generic wrinkled likened

to an old manikin newborn.


Within some now nondescript building
then named The Christ Hospital

location Mount Auburn

Cincinnati, Ohio
(the Buckeye state)

record number C57587

gingerly handled courtesy
Doctor James Mackay McCord

(ushering none other than me
into the webbed wide world)


bestowed upon bosom

of Harriet Harris (maternal parent),

after thy young mother

experienced brief labor

as his bonny head and bony derrière easily
slipped out uterine crypt,

whereby with Vernix
caseosa, the waxy or cheese substance,
he appeared er made
rather wicked, matted, and dipped
in tallow, thence unexpectedly whipped

minuscule fist ready to bump.


Once placenta and fetal membranes
(unnecessary as wing ding)
discharged out uterus
after birth of offspring,
and thar weren't no more
major contractions in the offing

ma mommy lovingly did cling

to her bundle of joy and bring

maternal breast I ravenously
did suckle fortunately toothless
against her tender bosom trickling

(if mammary serves me correctly),

I presently recall no iota of inkling

what events transpired, nope
no recollection

about me being circumcised.


Traditionally a mohel is a rabbi,
cantor or another religious leader

who performs brit milah,

or bris, a circumcision ceremony,

on an 8-day-old.


Moost likely I felt Jew bull lent

glad yours truly chose decent

mother and father, which opinion
subjected to radical change,
when as grown adult child
living nonsocial under
their roof housing forced to hire agent

provocateur to practice sparring,
when standoff event on horizon,
which eventually begat ultimatums,

where mutual quiet riot revulsion

swallowed me into a black hole

their red hot poker rage spent

belittling, cursing, damning...

quiet as Unitarian Church mouse content
internalizing later smoldering
anger I needed to vent

in retrospect diminutive little boy

tied to mama's apron strings

afflicted with mental
health issues inherent
of course hindsight gleaned

social, psychological, neurological...

healthy development got rent

asunder partly explaining
why I became indigent
cuz absolute zero ambition
to hustle and convince

prospective employers to hire me

an astute candidate with

deaf fin knit muted confidence.

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