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I climbed the highest peek with no shoes on my feet to ask God
if it was a sin to be tired of being good
making it perfectly understood that I'm tired of being good
I don't want to be bad but I'm tired of being good
my life depresses me I wanna see my people free
from inflicted poverty and the bondage of slavery
being nailed to the cross from so far I've carried
the watcher's watching over me while death hovers over me
don't feel sorry for me I throw a party for my own pity
my eyes see ugly I'm blind to pretty
I reside in a nasty BIOHAZARD city
heaven is what I want to see, heaven is where I wanna be
knowing that hell has a welcome mat laid out for me
this season God looked away from me
leaving me to my own devices, trials, tribulations and crisis
burning through me like I'm made of wood melting me like wax
I'm making it understood I don't want to be bad
I'm just tired of being good
the weight I carry why I want to be burned not buried
I'm going crazy losing my mind started back drinking to unwind
what's inside of me is killing me trying to get out of me
the devil telling me to kill my enemies
too many voices inside of me revenge they wanna see
like a junkie trying to be free rejected by my sanity
rewriting the script my parent handed me
born a infant dope fiend my fight to be sober and clean
I wake up and I scream they ask me did I have a dream
like I'm Martin Luther King I've been to the mountain top
we still not free so I won't stop till the casket drop
like a crack baby heroin seman made me
my father never called me his daughter
my grandfather who was a 33rd degree mason made me smarter
before he died he declared that I would die a martyr
stabbed my father with a steak knife twice before he died
the blade didn't kill him from his sickness he died
nobodies safe when I ride they know who they are that's why they hide
from what pained me the streets claimed me
the hood put a crown on my head and reigned me
I write down my dispair who reads it, I don't care I just put it in the air
I need a hug from my affectionate mother
I built a wall between us so we don't speak to each other
my screams are ignored by my sisters and brothers
strangers reach out to me from a far they want to comfort me
I can't feel when some one touches me
I can only feel the pain inside of me
those I love die on me I don't trust those around me
I sleep with a 22 over and under beside me
I want to be left alone but need some company
I'm about to be 47 and don't remember being 11
those who know me call me Seven respectfully
I'm waiting for Gods answer on my journey back to heaven
this write took no thought it came from the heart
standing on the highest peak waiting for God to speak
with the devil I strive 4 decades alive 3 more years for 5
some look others see why did Eve touch that tree?
so much pain I pray for rain tryin not to go ballistic
born a suspect but not a statistic sick and twisted
these roads I travel I choose unlike Einstein I can tie my own shoes
does that make me a genius it's a thin line between us
I walk it like a tight rope no balance beam no net below
I try not to fall I try to cope one day old I cried for dope
I can't swallow the 50 pills perscribed to me in a bottle
I don't know what's going to feel this hollow
I admit that I'm a suicidal coward
I wish I could burn my uncle Howard
where I lay my head is my home where I let my pen roam
I'm gone do what my sister told me to do
I'm gone kickand I'm gone chew and blow bubbles too
when I feel the pain I'll just ask God to send the rain time to cut the cake
I wont complain blow out the candles and make a wish
counting down the days, hours,minutes and seconds to happy birthday
if you read between the lines you could see
that day was not happy for me it was a day unhappily
