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They marked it natural causes, cause of your history with cancers.
However, I’m still left with questions that need answers.
Were your final moments painful or peaceful?
Did you slowly feel your life get washed away of the evil?
Did you slowly see your demons start to fade?
Did you reflect on the decisions in life you made?
What was the final cause?
What caused this detrimental loss?
I’m not okay with just chalking it up to natural selection
No autopsy, no final inspection
Just based on history and medication, we have to accept it for what it is
These are some of the thoughts I have when it’s you I begin to miss
You’ve told me in the past you just wanted to give up
And I kept asking, for what?
You said, I’m just tired of appointments and surgeries
Worrying you guys with false emergencies
It pained me then to hear that, but maybe I was just being selfish.
You staying alive was my wish
But I didn’t put myself in your shoes
Cause it was you I didn’t want to lose
I’m sorry that this took me so long to write
But the minute I wrote one word, tears would flood my eyesight
Just like now, but I know this is something I have to do
Cause maybe just maybe it will make it easier missing you
People said it will get easier with time
I just never really agreed with that line
You just find different ways to hide the pain
On the outside you look happy and sane
But the internal battle is raging war
Goosebumps and chills that rock your core
Crying in silence while tears hit the floor
Questioning why they had to take my father for
Just another question I’ll never get closure on
The only facts I know is that you are gone
That missing you doesn’t get easier with time
Cause you are constantly on my mind
I have to hold back tears on a constant basis
Just to continue with my false faces
While my heart is missing a major piece
I just hope you are finally at peace
That is the only thing that helps this pain ease
Knowing you no longer have demons or pain
Are the only things keeping me sane
I miss you, Dad, more than you know
But we knew this was never forever, and I had to let you go.
Just know
That I miss you so much, even if on the outside it doesn’t show.
