Letter to my….

Will you be my…?

Will you be my first good morning and my last good night?

Can I capture your smile and use it to illuminate my life?

Will you be my….everything?

Or so close to it that I want for nothing

Something

I could never imagine or even dream of

Because,

Unfathomable….

Is the only description that could do your beauty justice.

Will you be my motivation?

My focus and reason to keep on going.

Making it okay to wear my heart on sleeve without fear of it showing.

My pride and joy, God’s gift to me.

I see

No reason that I could ever want to leave.

That’s why I want to ask will you be my forever until the end of time,

But because it’s so soon instead I ask will you be my valentine?

Letter to my….

I love you too much to let you watch me die…

And I can’t take the look on your face as I explain why.

So I write…

Write it all down and hope one day you’ll read it.

Maybe even understand why I couldn’t be what you needed.

I did try tho…

Actually…. I put up one hell of a fight,

But some games aren’t meant for you to win and that’s just a fact of life.

So many tears,

Wishing they could wash away the last few years,

Not for me but only for you

If only I could be more of a dream that never came true.

Because Living that dream allowed the creation of this nightmare,

And I can’t be your hero no matter how much I might care.

Is it better to let someone down or to not have known them at all?

Can you truly be happy while being forced to sit and watch me fall?

What a br...

Stolen Identity

When I see her she unknowingly ignites a flame inside of me.

It sets my soul ablaze 

and weakens the cage 

holding the butterflies from roaming free.

So free they go

Unconfined and unconcerned.

Covering me from head to toe,

The thought of her won’t let me go.

Now I can’t think clearly and my voice is no longer my own,

It whispers words I’ve never said, and some I’ve never even known.

Who is this 

Who am I

What did she do to me……?

I don’t know

I don’t remember 

And nothing as far as I can see……

All she did is smile,

And at the point Cupid had to team up with God and all the other powers in the universe 

To conjure up the best concoction they could to bless me with this curse.

Love hurts.....

And I...

Clay Sculptures

She turned me down...and it hurt a little more than I'll ever let her know.

It's not like a want to be tough and scared to let my feelings show,

I was just looking forward to doing different and being better.

I wanted her to want me, but fear just wouldn't let her.

I'm EMBARRASED....

Silently suffering from the guilt of things in relationships past

Mistakes can be forgiven but first impressions always last,

So what she perceives me to be WILL BE at this point in time,

And although I may disagree, I understand the distorted image in her mind.

I'm not blind

Not naive or delusional.

I'm not a monster,

Heart, mind, and soul primed to be mutable,

And my mirror works just fine too......

At least it did...

Until I smashed it to pieces,

Then used the shards of glass to scul...

Wasted TeyeME Doesn’t Heal

Countless days of never ending arguments now seem like nothing more than an instant.

Minute.

Milliseconds.

Compared to the lifetime we planned together.

This is different!

It was three weeks before I could bring myself to sleep in my own bed.

Still having the fight of my life trying to get you out of my head.

Unable to look myself in the mirror and come to terms with some of the things we said.

I said,

Things that can’t be taken back,

But I take it all back,

So far back that

I could meet you all over again and just smile.

Replace every yell with a laugh and every cry with a conversation.

Talk to me…

Free me.

Free me From the happy memories that haunt me every time I close my eyes.

The same Eyes…

You know the ones that are the gateway into the soul that the mouth tries to protect and hide.

Yea those eyes…

The ones t...

Cognitive Dissonance

I love you…

Is the most important thing I’ll say so I wanted to start with that.

It’s also one of the few things I’ve said to you that I have no desire to take back.

Plenty other moments I wish I could relive and redirect,

Recreate memories to replace ones i pray you forget.

Both of us too strong to be weak for each other,

Moving too fast to slow down and truly get to know one another. 

We showed each other our worst sides.

So in a sense we were our own worst enemies….

Yet and still I want to fight for you with every fiber of my being,

Brain screaming to let go, heart doing all but agreeing.

bleeding.

out.

Im at war with myself…

And nobody else…to be honest.

What do you do when your joy and pain derive from the same source,

And futile attempts to separate them only makes e...

Acquiesce

Someone in the world is enjoying a drink out of a mug with our picture on it.

We didn’t last until Christmas so you didn’t get it and I didn’t  want it.

I wrapped it up in the new hoodie that was also meant for you,

And placed them in a donation bin for clothes and household items too.

I made a playlist of songs to blast whenever you walked through the door,

But you said maybe when I asked if you’d come talk to me once more.

So I listened to it for the last time on that empty drive home,

Then I deleted it and accepted the fact that you’re  really gone….

I cried out your name only to hear my voice bounce off the hollow walls.

Then I closed my eyes and gave way to darkness falls.

I don’t know if I’ll wake up to your extended helping hand,

Writers Block 2.0

I want to write, I really do

But when my heart left my body my soul separated too.

My mind caught a flight and somehow got lost in the clouds,

My feet only seem to travel to places where I’m not allowed

My hands choose to knock at doors that will never open over grabbing a pen,

Because pens feel like blades that open wounds on already bruised up skin.

Daily injections of reposado to keep the demons away,

Being that poison is the only protection for me to get through a day,

But through each day I continue to get.

Pushing through pain and hit after hit.

One day,

maybe I’ll find all the right words to say,

And hopefully I’ll figure out who I am along the way.

Bleed Out

Yesterday,

You kissed me as if we still love each other.

Today,

The conversation went away as if we never knew one another.

48 hours ago we drank, we laughed, we stopped just short of crying.

Today,

RADIO SILENCE

and

Truthfully speaking this separation seems worse than dying.

Definitely easier said than done.

YOU were supposed to be my ONE....

and ONLY.

Lonely

Was never supposed to be part of this plan.

Yet here we are...

I begged God for motivation to write again,

Had I known it'd cost me you... I would've rather never touched a pen again.

Never buy another journal or notebook,

Never rhyme again and have a graphophobic outlook

I'm so shook.

My handles tremble as my heart bleeds onto this tear stained paper.

Wishing I could rewrite the ending from "bye" to "ill see you later",

Because seeing you later would...

Hard head Soft Ass

I’ve always had a problem with wanting things that just could not be…

As I child I often cried because, I wanted never ending weekends so I could be forever free.

I wanted candy for breakfast, popsicles for lunch and ice cream for dinner.

I wanted it to always be my turn and of course I wanted to always be the winner….,

“But That’s not how life works” became a mantra instilled in me many years ago.

Too bad old habits die hard, and that’s one that I could never quite let go.

I want you….

And In addition to it feeling normal these feelings also reign true.

I know that I shouldn’t,

I hear you saying we couldn’t,

I just can’t help but feel like we can….

You say this isn't that for you..

But it is for me.

So as far as where it’s going, I guess we just have to wait and see....