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I can remember being in love once.
The feeling made me sick…to be without him it was like the Earth
Weighed down on my shoulders, boulders crushing me.
And to be with him? Well it was like nothing else existed.
We parted ways but my heart persisted to feel that again.
Like needles, and vials invading my veins
I loved him, more than I loved life itself.
I was twelve years old…innocent.
Broken and torn, and in 16 years I’ve craved another hit.
Looking for a dealer searching corners, and schools, office buildings
But no, they say it’s never like the first time.
And I remember writing love poems until carpal tunnel manifested
Wrist brittle like my grandmother and now I can’t think of one word…
One word to describe that feeling I once felt, when I was young and innocent.
And I still crave that pain.
Looking for a dealer, just give me one hit.
And everyone claims to have the best in the city,
And I, the naïve I purchase the product,
I anticipate the privacy of my home
Just to be alone
With what I was made to believe would bring me
Back
Back to when I was twelve
And I’m shaking, doubtful, hesitant
To roll up my sleeve
Tighten my rubber band
Destroying me!
Close my eyes
Metal invading my veins got me remembering
But as the poison intrudes taking over my system
I’m reminded,
I was fooled,
Naïve
Duped
Bamboozled
Lead amuck
I can remember being in love once
It didn’t feel like this
So dirty and cheap
I used to know love and would write until
The calluses would bleed.
And now the calluses have receded
And the feeling makes me sick
