unstable

It seems as if my life is in shambles. I've stripped myself away from my family, to complete a sanction I can no longer handle. I find myself thinking the unthinkable, writing the unspeakable. I'm feeling really high sprung, with no one to listen to my unworldly problems. So, I feel myself growing more and more unstable. It seems as if someone pulled a lever in my head, like my lowerself is beginning to prevail, and growing stronger the more I repel. When I talk to you and express myself, I want you to know it's genuine and real. Although, when you tell me you love me, in the beginning I believed you. Now it's getting harder to tell. Please help me figure out if I should believe my unsavory thoughts, or should I believe what is in my heart. All I know is, I'm falling apart. It seems impossible for me to find the bread crumbs that will lead me back home. Everyone tells me to stay strong, but no one says for how long. My life is put on hold, while you and everyone else's continues to move on. I'm losing my grasp unto you, and myself for I have no control. Day after day, night after night, I feel myself growing more and more unstable.