To keep myself from Falling...

To  keep  myself  from  falling,
I  must  write, I  must  release, this  ugly
inner  beast  from  choking  the  life  from  my emotions
I  can't  focus,
I'm possessed  with  the  guilt  of  my transgressions,
I  feel  held  down  to  bed,  not  able  to  even
stretch  my  legs....
Constantly  thinking  of  an  out,
But  my  mind  refuse  to  show  me  the  answers,
Guilt,  and  shame  is  what  it's  giving  me
Screaming  at  me, taunting  me  with  truths,
Reinforcing  the  clear  fact  of  me  being  the very  worst
enemy, 
I'll  ever  come  across  on a  battle  field...

I  swear  to  you,  I  kill,
myself  in  mind  murders,
Strangling  the  life  from  my  emotions  with remorse,
Running  from  a  guilt  headless  demon  on a horse...
Somehow  I  can't  escape, 
I've  learned  of  the  dreams  we " humans"  live,
I  just  don't  know  how  the  Hell  do  I  wake,
How  do  I  look  all  this  sh**t  in  the  face?
How  do  I  not  wake  up  in  the  morning  with the  most  heaviest feeling
of  disgrace? 
it's   just  so  much  sh*t  I  can't  even  bring myself  to  face

I  couldn't  even  deliver  the  exact  words  in  a  poem,
Cause  the  list  is  way  to  long,
My  head  spins,  as  alphabets  transform  into  scorn,
although I  run  from  the  self -abuse,
I still  daily  water
it's  negative  roots...
Joining  in  a deadly  cahoots, to  block
my  soul  from  reaching  the  complete  truth
Which is  now  weakening  my  frame,
my  only  banister  at  this  moment  is  the  words  I  write,
which  is  the  only  force  that's  keeping  me  from  falling...