Joy And Disaster

Up and down, life and it's turn arounds, and disappointments, 1 step forward 2 steps back, stuck in a rut don't know how to act, If I respond my future will be disasterly harmed, damned if I don't damned  because I am darned, ring the alarm, my fire is burning, yearning, for better but this world just wont let up, weight on my shoulders can't see how I bare it, only to get a little piece of happiness then have to share it, my past I wear it, on my sleeve like my heart, I feel it creeping over me looming in the dark, demons from the future past and present, but it's really only me I feel my presence, one slip up one mistake, will lead me back behind them curly gates, electrical fences, no getting around it, my daughter keeps me on point by her love I am surrounded, no faults just failures, I am still learning what God wants from me am I still earning, am I still worthy or is it all just bad after all this is the only life I ever had or is it?,  enjoying the days as I go through this faze, running the maze, in hopes of better days, from the bottom to the top my ambition pays,