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Why couldn't you be stronger
Why couldn't last time be the last time..
It took you from you and took control over your mind
Such a beautiful mind Such an amazing soul but there it was again eating at you knowing you couldn't resist
Then one by one you started losing things and ppl you cared about as if it was some kind of checklist
Late nights you cried because u want what you once had
Family ,friends , mental stability...
You cry and you pray ,you cry and you pray
But .. Again there it was
And all those emotions you were just feeling went away. You were numb ...
Making people feel dumb because you claimed you were okay
Look at yourself
Standing in a room sweating ,when the AC is blowing the coldest air
Asking once again are you okay ?
But you just stare ..
You're looking at me but not AT me
You see me standing there but that's all you saw
A figure standing in front of you possibly yelling but you're so far gone you don't seem to hear the desperate call .....
MOM!!
Can you hear me ??
I'm speaking to you ..
Answer me ..please I'm here
My eyes filled with tears
You smile and say I'm ok
Biscuit I'm ok
You're not okay your level of denial is painful to watch I wish I could just stop it but stop watches don't work for humans in such a way do they ? ...
All my tears all my attempts didn't work because now there you were lying there looking as if you were finally at peace .
You don't have to deal with the the judgment the addiction the discomfort ...
So why does this hurt so bad ?
I should be happy that you're free you're free from your inner demons and no longer have to suffer.
So why does it feel as though I'm being selfish
I never got the chance to give you the grandchildren you wanted so badly
Or more importantly get you the help you needed so badly
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry
Instead of being angry and hateful
I should've tried to be more understanding
But how could I understand addiction ?
I will never be able to understand the power it has to make u do the things you've said and done to the people you love !
I will never understand , I can't understand or do I just refuse.
It's hurts... I lost you before death
Death just put the period on the sentence.
I would say until I see you again but no I want you here now and better the mother you used to be before It took you away from me.
I was fighting for you
I never left I was always the one fighting for you even with u
But nothing worked nothing ever seemed to work Like how could something be so strong to blind you from your loved ones
You were so strong what happened to you that made u lose track.
I guess what hurts the most is that I'll never know why .... why you chose it
Why you needed It ..
It's hurts to know that it did something for you that I couldn't
I was fighting a battle that i had no chance on winning
It's strength was effortless and there I was giving everything I had
I lost ...
You lost ..
