1700
It’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m awake while the world is sleeping around me
The endless thoughts and memories replaying in my mind for the hundredth time.
I’m constantly talking to myself
Thinking to myself
Questioning myself.
What if i had of tried things this way ?
Or if i had of been this way ?
Wishing things were different ...
Different (giggles)
A word I’ve heard most of my 24 year old life
I’ve always been told i was “different”
I thought differently
I acted differently
Even dressed a little “different “ but of course my first thought is..
“There’s 7 billion people in this world of course I’m ***ing different “.. i mean isn’t everyone ?
But no my “different” was unique.
It some how attracted everyone.
There was always something about me that everyone loved or couldn’t just put there finger on .
Little did they know my “different” was caused from many issues in my life that i can’t quite shake.
Physiological abuse....
A form of mental and emotional abuse which can cause anxiety , post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd) and depression.
Do you know how hard it is to act normal ? To laugh and smile everyday and have people enjoy your company to the fullest and they don’t even know you’re going through a mental/ emotional battle. The only emotion i know how to show is anger the thought of that even pisses me off. I just ... Iï¸ just want to feel .. I want to love ... all Iï¸ want to do is love everybody believe it or not but this ***ed up head and heart of mine is damaged.
I don’t want to continue my life this way, however i can’t seek help from other damaged people because if u ask me....everyone has issues. So now who do i go to ? God ? How many times do i have to pray to god to get this damage off of me. I just want to
move on and be a better genuine me.
I can give the best advice and fix everyone else’s problems and can’t even fix the two most important organs in my own body..
It is now 5:26 in the morning and I am still awake while the world sleeps around me
Still thinking and questioning myself ...
The What if’s ? And the what could’ve beens.
I’m sure other people do the same thing
Hmm I may not be that different after all ..
right ?
