2100
I live inside my mother’s fears...
I’ve learned to un-breath standing still in time
with the defiant smile of a dying old seaman
as he takes his last dive
I’ve learned that quiet is right and safe is life
In the middle of the night
lying on the floor gasping for air
that finds pleasure in my struggle
Desperately trying to get the crack of the bedroom window open
the snow flaking in on my face
I just want to breathe
Just don’t want to die
I live inside my mother’s memories...
Hair pins
Garter belts
Life
the valedictorian graduate at fifteen
now locked in a jeweled mosaic box
swirling in cradled cobwebs in the air
daffodils swaying to harmonicas playing
along a pristine path
leading down a lifeless street
birds flutter overhead
but they fly not
caged from birth
babies dream as mothers wean
with just a soft hint of soy milk and chanel #19
toxic melodies exhale their sorrows
into bulging white nimbus clouds
rain drops scurrying home on the lower East Side
clad in black rubber boots
evading the sun
under large grey worthless umbrellas
toddlers bathing under moon rays
sprinkled in talcum powder
wearing stiletto booties
waiting for milk that will not come in their mothers fairytale
I live inside my mother’s smile...
Just a hint of glow only seen at Sunday Sunrise
It shreds my heart to settle in on her vanished eyes
Soft clues of public exposures almost laid to rest
1968
Under the NYC Brooklyn Bridge
the cold black water crashing against the steel beams
The hurried barren sound of wet high heel shoes
striking concrete pavement
The quiet swish of a nylon slip
as it fights the skirt to keep up pace
Clutching a handbag
with the umbrella steering the way
Almost there City Hall is just a half a block away
the # 4 train would be waiting
Almost safe
Almost safe
Almost
Who Were You?
Who Were You!
Who Were You!
That did not know your own humanity
A life you left
with no chance
You broke her
And now I only get to love any pieces
that I can still find
I live inside my mother’s remorse…
I stare at my own child
I beckon for him
I know
I understand
But I live inside my mother
Go inside
Close the life
Be quiet
Be careful
Or something will happen
