Home?

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life

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It wasn't home but it was the closest feeling. The void left open from so much moving. Always goin somewhere , anywhere but home. I was young and felt like too often always roamed. Far from home group homes.. Waking up to strangers. That was home for a while as a child ,couldnt be more stranger. Needed a sense of belongin, sure it was kind sometimes, small gestures to appease the young mind. Time seemed to fly before my eyes betrayal, abandonment and disappoinmtent. This bed was called my bed for rest and these staff members had responsibility over me. Couldn't understand my thick hair and cultural hygiene. Hardly had pics of my real family round me. Too young to understand how to have coped. So even around "people" I was lonely , it wasnt home for me. Guess it was better than nothing yet some days i felt I was nothing.. Special, important, significant. Didn't understand custody court lingo and the judgments or judges. Tough skin, no give in barely emotion eventually numb. A lot of times I was awkward like a sore thumb. My favorite tunes a lot of times I hummed. Felt lost for so long hoped a change once come. They said " grow up, get over it", i said eff them. Cus only i felt what I felt and I wasn't them. I appreciated the concern yet how dare them. Look down on me jus cus I coped different from them. I won't say I'm flawless cause I have many flaws. Been through alot, back against the wall. Not looking, asking , hoping for sympathy. Simply being me unapologeticly. If I shouldn't judge you, who are you to judge me? I do my best to encourage, positively influence, inspire for higher and achieve my hearts desires. In due time it will all come and maybe then it will feel a little homely.