Good morning momma

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life

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Lois Johnson Good Morning Mom, I hope all is well in your travels. I know I do not call enough, I am not even sure if I know what enough would be, I think about my children daily and I can’t imagine what you feel because it hurts me when I think my children barely remember me. Some days are hard for me, while I realize that being responsible to another is far from easy. I am sure you did the best you could, most parents begin parenting way before they should, it was selfish when we stand and look back over the choices that we had, and we gave birth to another because we felt as if children would shift our focus so the hurt didn’t seem so sad. While I have hurt, I just wonder who I might be, if I had learned younger in my life how to be in love with me. I tried to teach my girls to see beyond the night, but they are just as confused so I still didn’t get it right. I tried to show them the things that I felt I lacked the most but the more I tried to prepare them, the less they seem to cope. I feel at times I fell from the nest too soon and then I look out on my life compared to those I stand with and understand the lack of room. I understand a lot more than when I know I knew it all, you know back in my younger days when to fail was part of the fall, now I realize that failing was to try, how many built the airplane before it really took to the sky. how many failed before God placed the rainbow in the sky, so many fall in battle to never fail again, I have learned to fail is the first step to the win, it is in the failures, not the falls this helps us start again. So many fall to never rise again, and the fail is but a stumble but the fall and remaining down is how most choose to embrace the end, well I see myself lucky as I have seen them both, when you didn’t see me looking I was watching you stand your post. I realize that not one of use came with sound direction, you had less to look at, it is hard parenting without the gift of a mother’s reflection, without the reference points that gave the heart the ear to hear your children crying in the night or ability to feel their tears, it is hard to be a mother when looking over time, some give to little when too much can harm them and scare their minds, there doesn’t seem to be a medium so what’s a mom to do. Correct them out of love or allow them to do what they want to, I am so not sure, I am not sure of anything. I failed at parenting but I feel like I fail at everything, but in all my failure I refuse to just give up, I keep pressing in my trying like I watched you fall but always quickly stand back up. And no, nothings prefect but I can’t say you didn’t try and I thank you for the example and it will take more than the failures to knock me from the sky, so while I may fall, I won’t without the fight, and while I may fail as well history won’t say I didn’t try. I love your mom. Mother's day is every day