A girl with a Story

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life

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You know my name and look into my eyes to see the pain and what's still to gain! It's really insane how I maintain, you see I'm no war veteran but still endend up with PTSD, slept in my closet so the bad man couldn't get the rest of me, smoked weed to ease the pain, pop skittles to mask the real me. Now they went and diagnosed me bipolar schizophrenic and they not even understanding where been how I had to pretend it wasn't that man again! I was about 10 when this grown man decide to be my friend, and not just the hold my hand but the behind closed doors let me be your man, the places he put his hands I really don't want to begin the point that I could no longer pretend I just laid there praying that God would just take my breathe away, bout time that ended I created a person to defend me you see! 13 yrs old truly learning how cold the world is. By then, my cousin was real bold I told her the truth about you know who and she told me let me show you what I can do, been that she too had been abused by an old fool. Crying and screaming I guess she couldn't believe I wouldn't give in so she covered my head and stuck her tongue in, my head in a conjunction I didn't know who I could *** with. 14 years old smoking out my soul feeling old as I had been told shaped like I'm grown and my head been blown, just lay down and take it, don't say nothing, thinking what if I could just get away now. Emotionally scared with a mama so raw they say she could be Satan spawn. 15 yrs old and talking my I just knew I couldn't get hit, the nigha I thought was so lit, literally took my just because I was somebody else . The whole hood was lit when I stated that . My bro caught him slipping and jibbed that even when my grandma said I ask for the mother***er I was gasping like I had got hit with a bag of bricks. 18 yrs old an maintaining and still blaming my on the next , standing in positions like but what if the roll was flipped that's why daddy always said I can't have a clip because I'll go sick raining hollow points through every snitch. Confused an abused plus guided by the wrong dudes. Dying to be seen even with all the terrible scenes is the little girl inside of me. Now here it is a baby having a baby, just trying to replace it by burying the pain, dropped out of school because the was lame and now I'm here with more to gain. Graduated at 19 it was not foreseen but I needed that green, I couldn't be for the streets with mini me watching me. So I played it slow and layed low, started selling es just to make some dough, I was so broke an had a baby on the low. Down the toilet he go its ***ed up that I didn't even know. By the age of 23 I had 3 of me's too feed with no family that ***ed with me, its all on me, glad for friends because they the real m.v.P's plus my main squeeze you know the one that was just for me or so I thought. Holding down my own having my whipped, and working too jobs man I swear this legit, got diagnosed with overan cancer but still didn't quit, surgery took away my future kids this is what it is depression tapped in. Now at 25 it really was wild, my mama had changed my life, aggravated assault and a bunch of lies, foster care for the kids like damn what they did, sitting in jail like what the hell, time goes by trying to do right you know better my life, I thought I met mister right gave him my life took his name I loved the fame but behind closed doors that was the real war I couldn't believe I had let it go far, Betty the hammer in his nose trying to rip it off like they use to my clothes at this point who really my foes, the man I choose was fraud at the most their Minster and my monster I gave him to the Father as I acknowledge. I got saved and this is what it made. A slave to the flesh and a maid to the rest but I knew it was a test and I'm destined for the best God can tell the rest! 27 I'm really wilding just riding with no sight of God in me, reckless and unforgiving, dangerous while pretending, show any disrespect and ima end you quicker than you can finish. The feeling of being all alone no one to phone or even call your own. Best friend's turned into foes, family is always some hoes. Loyalty I suppose never get chose. Its crazy you see no one feared little old me, really they could have killed me but *** it I was already dead spiritually. I pray that God forgive now that I see clearly. I traveled from state to state just to find me and be free, by the time I hit 28 I knew it had to be a change in me. And this is where he came to be, conflicted by the chain I see, you released me without the key that's what I needed to be, you seen me and I swear I couldn't breathe, you touch me and I fall to my knees, could I really fall for thee. Crazy asf because they don't care to understand the real me. Flaws and all, the broke feelings is the problems the world has caused *** who got involved I will forever be emotionally scared!