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In silence I speak fluently,
Boldly I stand, but alas,
I desire to remain hidden.
Upon the footstool of obedience I cower amidst my Father
Lowering my head in fear.
I smile to mask my insecurities.
My emotions are armor that shields me from nothing this world throws at me.
My glass house has cracks as I cast stone after stone toward brethren to uplift them in Him only to forget my transgressions against Him.
I pray everyday, but His presence is still far from me.
But didn't you say that when two or more are gathered in your name you're in the midst? Why am I the only one who feels alone?
In my comfort zone I seek refuge,
But Hebrews 4:13 my soul recites "And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account".
Naked I feel uncleaned like the 10 lepers,
But the one who came back i wish to be like him.
I'm just too afraid to look back.
I wish to be like Zacchaeus who boldly proclaimed to give half his possessions and pay back anyone he cheated four times the amount,
But I still struggle financially.
I wish to be like Peter, but sometimes I compare myself to Judas.
Lord, Here i am.
I wish to be made uncomfortable.
I desire eviction from my comfort zone.
I need to be true to you in order to find my identity in you.
This mask i donned for so many years I cast aside.
The love even though tainted will be made Holy if only I accept you.
Heal my brokenness.
Heal these eyes of mine who see people as entities I shy away from.
I stretch out my hand to thee Come rescue me Oh Lord.
I reach out to you. Oh, Lord, please save me.
Help me step out and walk to new beginnings.
