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Upon the stars I gaze
fixated on its beauty my heart is set ablaze,
Only to lose its heat as doubt begin to reign.
Am I truly worthy of love?
Like two doves I compare myself to thee.
Tomorrow's worries creep from the future of uncertainty I began to wonder if I shall ever experience holy matrimony,
where iI become one with the woman GOD has in store for me I began to question His plans as the past me confronts my present.
"Who are you to wish for love!
You, the one who whored himself to fill a well already filled with the Love of GOD only to contaminate its purity!
And you the gall, the AUDACITY to wish for love?!
HA!
You, whose body count is equal to that of a porn star now wants to be loved!
HA!
You, who chose lust and deemed it above love!
You, who gave your virginity to a night walker of unknown origin and kept pursuing emptiness for over 20 years!
You, who chased a woman who didn't deserve your time, toyed with you, and despite all that You decided to place her on a pedestal meant for GOD! How dare you ask GOD for love!
How dare y-"
ENOUGH!
No more I say to you.
Speak not of my transgressions.
My heart is already past its breaking point.
My mind thinks of her at times when loneliness beckons me.
My mind gathers past subjects of one sided love tormenting this vessel as it seeks for pleasure.
A fight that I cannot win I fall to my knees.
GOD is this truly meant for me!
Am I to be alone even though I surrendered to you on that fateful night?
Forgive me for questioning you, but I desire marriage with all my battered being!
I know your Love is enough, but... I don't know what i should do anymore.
I bury my head to hide my sadness A gentle hand banished my past.
The future departs as the angel speaks,
"Lift up your head and gaze upon me.
You have been forgiven and your prayers has been answered.
In due time Love and you will be reunited, But for now return to your first Love.
Be at peace with yourself and cherish your renewed heart for He loves you and never forget you were created in His image. Stand up and allow Him to guide your steps. Rejoice and be at peace.
This is your season of preparation."
My gaze falls upon the angel, and even though a veil covers her face, her beauty is etched upon my soul.
"Who are you?" I ask. "In due time we shall meet again."
