Terms && Conditions

Terms && Conditions

Once upon a time I loved a men beyond space & universes. Loved him beyond his faults & his lies. His highs & lows.... Loved him because it was unconditional & in my mind would be unforgettable. Until one day he told me out his own mouth dead in my face: only a fool has unconditional love for others unless you’re just a child. "Love shouldn’t  be unconditional" YOU must come with terms && conditions. I asked did you mean even our LOVE which I assumed was untouchable. His response : Even ours ....&& at that very moment & not a second later on that day not giving myself a moment of grace. I realized he was right for the first time. I stopped loving unconditional *** Speaking as an woman who has put conditions on love & terms on time. 

I can't wait to grow up

Words I wish I never said as an adolescent. 
Words I would wipe from my memory if I could. 
Words my momma said life going to show you what being grown really means.
 One day I hear my niece singing words to a provocative mix as she lay across her bed. Talking about bumping, grinding, and staying in some sh**. Words that  I don't think she fully understands. Words she would regret if she truly knew what they meant.
Little girl come here, 
Why do you want to be grown so badly? Lord, what I could do to trade in my 9-5 for pigtails and Barbie dolls? I would trade the lustful glares from improper men to holding hands with my best friends as we play hand games.
Do you know what them words mean that you saying?
Do you know its power in the tongue and it's more to just praying? Be mindful of what you speak into your life cause the Lord has a way of giving us exactly what we speak.  

Bee

B is like candy to me 

like Hershey's kisses butter fingers and everything sweet. My Reesees pieces & Almond Joys. I love the coconut with the nut in the middle. He is brownies in my chocolate ice cream. The sweet and sour on my fried rice with extra onions and extra crab meat. Like a hot pickle on a July Sunday with peppermint. Green Now & Laters & grape soda ... Powder donuts and orange juice on the way to school. Fried fish fresh out the grease. the last piece the last for me. 

 what is a BEE without honey ... That's like a PBJ with no bread. That's like kisses with no head. 

After so long will he still stand the taste of me? I sure hope he doesn't wonder like all the other B****... I mean bees. 

Mother

My perfect mother 

Sometimes I use to dream about my perfect mother.

Not the one who gave me life.                                                            The one I created how I like.                  

My perfect mother would brush my hair 100 times at night and sing songs by Billie Hoilday.

My mother wraps my hair around her fist and drags me from here to there.

My perfect mother gives me kisses on my head and tucks me into bed at night tells me to sleep thight.

My mother tells me go to sleep, be quite for I get my a** beat .

My perfect mother makes me feel safe.

 My mother has resentment because my daddy left me on her to raise.

I dream of my perfect mother sometimes trying to escape a nightmare o...

The Rose at the end of the Rainbow

Some things we take to the grave 
Some secrets can never see the light of day 
Buried deep within like time in quick sand. 

I’m torn between loving you and blaming you.

Hurting you Hating you. Wanting you & needing you

 I feed off you I want to be free from you. I need to be free from you.
You the seed that did not fester because it wouldn’t make it out the concert into a Rose. The seed that was planted in stone and fell to my soles. Seed that just would not grow. He ask the same question why... why can’t you blossom another flower. Lord I would do anything to be Jack. To have magic beans stop being planted in poised soil maybe then my seed wouldn’t sprout wings but bring beauty in a garden where the wind still blows kisses to my sonflower  ....