Emotional Pivot

my life looks like that spinning wheel circling in the center of a screen my delays got choreography I used to think all I needed was patience practice patience and wait Just breathe Just trust that eventually the picture gets clear but what if the problem ain’t time consuming what if the problem is connection the screen said to me check your network I laughed at it first like how can a machine diagnose me then that's when it hit me how many calls I let die while telling myself “I’ll call back when I have time" how many texts I read then left sitting there like unopened letters how many times I said “I’m straight” with my soul in shambles continuing to force a smile through all the static feelings in low resolution walking around pretending to be HD when internally everything is pixelated ALMOST flashes before my eyes as if the time to move on is always almost time that little wheel turning and turning like it knows something I don’t I know the struggle to load refreshing resetting entering the pin number like discipline is a password I keep typing wrong meanwhile I’m stuck at ninety nine percent I swear that one percent feel heavier than the device I started asking myself what if life ain’t buffering what if it’s been tryna reach me this whole time and I've been out of range refreshing pain looking for new updates a call answered a truth spoken a letter opened a honest signal sent can anybody hear me then for the first time the wheel stops spinning the picture clears and I realize I wasn't buffering Just searching for connection