Dear Mama

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Dear Mother, Let me start off by saying, my apology goes out to you, If I have ever caused you pain. I was unaware of my foolishness ways. I forgive your actions that caused me and my brothers to be scarred. Let me get straight to the point, I have always felt I am the child you regret. I felt this way because of the things you use to say. Like the time you looked me in my face and told me, you should have given me away. Why me? Was it because I was your only girl? Was it because, I am your walking light skinned reflection, I am you that you wasn't ready to face? I was 9 years old when you left us, no goodbye, no speech, no mommy loves you or I will be back soon. One day you were here, then the next day you disappeared. I didn't understand why until the family was talking. My brothers and I found out our mother was a crackhead. I use to fear seeing your face on the tv with a caption that reads, woman found dead in the street. One year later, there you were standing in my Grandmother's kitchen with some other little girl calling you mom. How can you love a kid you didn't birth more than the one that came out of your womb? Why was I never good enough? Still to this day, I am bother by that scene. I didn't have you to share my stories with, or talk to you about the boy I fallen in love with. I didn't get to have that mother-daughter bond. Ten years later, I see you for the first time and a long time, and to my surprise, I didn't have hatred towards you. You told me you were proud of the strong woman I have become then you go behind my back, run your mouth, and say I think I'm to much and so on, so on. I apologized for not being the one to hold my tongue and express my thoughts, you needed to know. I apologize for being their for my two little brothers and trying to be the mother they never had. You should be thanking me for taking on your responsibilities. I use to be ashamed of you and for that I apologize. I pity you because you're missing out on your six blessings. If your only knew the talents, gifts and success that the kids you birth have, your mind would be blown away. But I thank you for neglecting me because I just may not have been the woman I am today. My brothers may not have been good fathers, college grad, ex marine, all star and honor roll student at 13. So once again I thank you for not being the mother we thought we needed. Your daughter, You wish you never had