I can't remember a time when I felt this conflicted,
Somehow I have got this far, for the 'rules' I was addicted,
The adrenaline rush of defending the innocent,
Working against a corporation who behave so indecent,
And as the tiny drops of fear fall from my dry eyes,
I have nobody to turn to for answers except the sky,
Which is endless and vast, scary to approach,
Can all the years of hard work be revoked?
Barrie's voice in my head
shouting "you need a backup plan",
Except reaching for my dreams has always been who I am!
Perhaps I have already written a page to fall back on?
But fear of impending failure is a force to be reckoned!
See as I write the words reaching for what is in my heart,
The words flow so much easier than they did at the start,
I have always known, from a child, my passion is art,
But I was always ALWAYS told...."so many have failed, what makes you, especially you of all people, any different?"
Well.....
The talent in my hands comes as free and naturally as water,
I can create magic on paper and play music that will make ya,
Get up out of your seat, inspired empowerment of your dreams,
I have sourced everything I ever wanted, dragging my hands upon my knees,
But possibility is not something that comes easily,
In this complicated, judgmental industry,
And what if I don't make it???
I don't wanna be a poor writer who can't afford to pay ,
I've come this far through experience and the knowledge I have gained,
The most powerful of lessons learned when I've been completely drained!
I'm not a person who gives up easily,
Unless I'm pushed into it purposefully,
The doubts in my mind haunt me like the bridge at the end of my street.
What if I let people down? What if I regret a wasted opportunity?
Am I doing a degree to prove something to myself,
Prove to my 'parents' there is more to me than poverty and poor health,
I spent years teaching teenagers, they were the best years of my life,
I got to play music everyday and could sleep every night!
Do I want to get back into a job that thieves every hour I own?
I don't think I'm even strong enough for that now - each time internally blown.
When I look at everything I have earned,
This pathway leads me against everything I have learned!
I don't know if I'm that person anymore, I have more love than a need for power,
I guess that's why I'm so conflicted on this outrageous 11:11 hour.
Universe you are telling me one thing and insight demands another,
It's times like this I really wish I had a relationship with a mother,
Maybe I should finish what I've started for now and see what happens after?
I've never had a crossroads like this and all I can hear is my 'father'!!!!
Conflicted much? :-S
Majestic-Anon-Creedy