Rain

CATEGORY

life

Water drops raced down my skin, soak and wet to the point it has pruned my skin. The water drops that match the mood im in, tears flowing down my face, and then disappearing into the tub of water im submerged in. I cry silently all alone, no one to judge or call my name but me in this empty home. I love myself enough to embrace my tears, i hold myself and scream myself tired cus know no one hears cus if they did they would judge and call me many names, all i want to do is rain out all my pain. I feel sorry for myself unlike anyone else. I just want go somewhere, anywhere from here, wipe my tears, clear my fears and see me full of joy in the mirror. My sorrows can get the best of me and alot of times its a horrror. Yes i need me time, but what about when "me", is together. No one to talk to, no to understand and maybe is Gods plan. The lack of love and bond with my father, the deep torturing absence of my mother, granpa past and i barely talk to my mothers mother. Still discovering who and trying to avoid getting caught up in a lover. No one to tuck me in at night, kiss me and sing a song over and over again. No such thing as coming home to mom and dad just the one he is with. Family traditions and legacies pause, this is not home!! So cry to myself, when i dont have money and bills have to paid and choose which bill is more important or careless and spend it up the next day. I feel i no longer had interest in old hobbies, every guy i met without kids more than likely didn't want any or to raise a family with me then. Had to keep an appetite, sometimes i couldn't  eat, i laid in bed for hours before i fell asleep. Wished i could wake up and to see my siblings are create that little family love yet that i kept searching for. I felt sorry for myself, not asking for pitty from anyone else, how long can i be strong when it felt like the my reality then worked against me. Its got better yet i wanted to share that feeling of loving someone who loves you back. Finally water overflows on the floor from the tub, my eyes closed wishing i was gon far away. When love doesnt start at home,what do u do or can u do? Especially when you are the only one, who feels sorry for you.