if i could die now

So depressed

My actions just cause more stress

But in the moment i dont care

I just dont wanna be here

I want to be left alone

But my mind doest seem like home

Im so tired of this

I dont know what to do always pissed

Always wanna feel numb

Dont really care if i end up like a bum

My emotional state is so fragile

I juat want someone to notice and help

But i do this to my self

So good at putting on these masks

No one can master the task

Of understanding me

My mom dont even see

Not like she cares

Theres only hate and regret here

Lost relationship

No one can salavage it

Been tryin for years

But all shes hears

Is the problems

Complanes, with no way to solve them

Putting her stresses on me

Its no wonder why i smoke this weed

I messed my life up

Put myself in this rut

I wanna get out

I really do i just dont know how

And when i ask for help

They tell me i got it by myself

NO NO I F****N DONT

If yall leave me to do this alone

I wont come out alive

Maby alive but just to survive

Make beleive im so strong

That bull is all wrong

Im so weak

Trying to save myself but im on the peak

I want help so bad

But i have these trust issues cause of my dad

I hate myself

I deseirve to go to hell

For how selfish i am

Becoming just like "uncle sam"

I wish i could be better

No matter what with me its stormy weather

Im just complaning with no solution

Thought it would be better once i moved in

I wish i could just die now

My life serves no help

I know people would be sad

But their problems wpuld be erased off the pad

Feel like i serve no puropse

Nothing is what it looks like on the surface

Hate how i look

Try not to be but im always guna be a crook

Now i done cryed all my teares

Faced all these fears

None of it matters tho

Cause tomarrow when i wake up itll be the same old show