pain is the color blue

I guess I am childish I get so upset and angry because noting has been going my way I'll admit I have such a weak mindset and a week heart it should be impossible for me to have kid(s) I can't even be strong for myself how the hell am I going to be strong for them I have depression issues i get discouraged and disappointed very easily I'm just tired of it really I'm exhausted I don't like not working I don't like not providing I don't like having ideas and not being able to put the money or my determination up to make them come true the messed up thing is I get in this depression state at least twice a month and to be honest part of me is screaming the words shut up stop being so Damm sad you're acting really pathetic stop looking for excuses this not no damn pitty party for crying out loud you're having a daughter on the way and you choose now of all times to have a mental brake down you're so weak and the other part of me is whispering just give up this kind of pain is not worth living for like fucc everybody why can't I just die already I swear loving Is such a curl faith