niche

This remains a difficult time for me
i am not having fun 
and my activities are not recreational in nature
what now, you do not understand 
of me will not become apparent 
at this time
i have been unrealistic in my assumptions
i am suffering from effects 
of my apparent inability 
to distinguish between honest effort and others reluctance to being inconvenienced
(i have been a fool)
what redemption may yet come of this lies outside my current focus
i recognize 
that it is i who must change course 
or lose my chance at success
i will not accomplish my goals
purely by following, noble ideals 
that i must plan carefully
if i am to survive beyond this day
and continue in my prayers
if i am to find my way
C2